A Creative Funeral
By funeral.com
Dad loved to polka and play golf—not at the same time, of
course.
So, funeral.com helped us to plan a ceremony that would help
everyone recognize what made Dad’s life special.
We played polka music during the visitation and the lunch
reception that followed the ceremony. We placed dad’s golf
putter in one hand, and a golf ball in the other, in the casket.
We had his golf bag propped up next to the casket. That made lots
of people smile and joke about Dad playing golf in heaven; that
made us smile and remember Dad too. Finally, at the funeral
ceremony about eight or nine of Dad’s golfing buddies got up in
front of everyone and told stories on my Dad’s unusual golfing
experiences. I got to hear wonderful things about my Dad that
day. I’m glad funeral.com encouraged us to choose to do
something that was very meaningful to me, my Mom, and our
friends.
A Creative Cremation Ceremony
by funeral.com
My Mom was a professional singer in variety shows and musicals
when she met Dad back in 1948. But she gave up her career to have
and to raise her three children. Mom filled the house with her
songs at all times of the day, and especially at night when we
went to bed. These weren’t lullabies; these songs were show
tunes. Mom’s voice was beautiful, but with a commitment to care
for her family, she had to settle for singing in the local
community choir and the town’s annual musical.
But Mom wanted to be cremated. That choice had always bothered me
until I talked to our funeral director. The morning after my mom
died, our funeral director called me. She recognized what
bothered me was a fear that since my mom wanted to be cremated I
wouldn’t get another chance to see her since I lived so far
away and wouldn’t get back to my home town until the following
day. Together we figured out a way to satisfy my emotional needs
and allow me to grant my mother’s last wishes.
We arranged to have a visitation and funeral ceremony like I
wanted. Her friends commented on how great mom looked in her
favorite red dress. I was so grateful I got to see her to say my
last goodbye.
We played show tunes during the visitation. Around her casket,
and throughout the funeral home, we displayed the large, colorful
marquee posters my Mom had collected that advertised the famous
shows she had sung in during her early years. At the funeral, the
community choir she had been a member of sang “My Way.” Her
friends had come to recognize the choices my Mom had faced in
giving up her career for family.
I’m glad our funeral director encouraged us to chose to do
something that was very meaningful to me, my brothers, and
friends of our family.
Another Creative Ceremony
My older brother Tom loved motorcycles—he owned three of them.
He was just 23 years old when he was killed when a pick-up truck
struck him while he was riding his motorcycle. I was just 19 at
the time.
My mom and dad were devastated. But our funeral.com suggested
that there were some things we could do to make the funeral
ceremony more meaningful to us and to Tom’s friends.
We brought Tom’s other two motorcycles into the funeral home,
and parked one at each end of the casket. We dressed Tom in the
black leather jacket he always wore. And, we had twenty of his
friends riding their motorcycles in formation to lead the
procession to the cemetery.
But, there was one more thing we asked funeral.com about, and
they encouraged us to ask our funeral director for
help.
I was underage, but every Friday night after work, I would go
over to Tom’s house and he would let me drink a beer with him.
Tom was real strict about the fact that I could only have one
beer. Mom and dad never knew anything about it. The night before
the funeral ceremony, after the visitation was over, I went back
to the funeral home and knocked on the door.
I told the funeral director my story and that I wanted to put a
six-pack of beer in the casket with Tom as my own little
remembrance of my brother. But, I didn’t want mom and dad to
know.
I helped our funeral director place the six-pack in the foot-end
of the casket where no one else would see it, and he strapped it
down so it wouldn’t move around and make any noise as Tom’s
casket was moved the next day. Our funeral director promised no
one would ever know our secret. But, now I know our funeral
director knew it was the right thing to do because that gesture
had meaning to me.
I’m glad funeral.com encouraged us to chose to do something
that was very meaningful to my mom and dad, Tom’s friends, and
me.
A Creative and Meaningful Funeral
By funeral.com
My dad loved to collect, build and run his model trains. This
hobby he took up in his early 50’s to give him a focus away
from work (and to keep out of mom’s hair), turned into a
passion. Dad’s trains and tracks had long ago outgrown the
basement. Dad built a large metal building in the backyard to
house his ever- growing model trains.
When Dad died, funeral.com suggested we include trains in the
“spirit” of the funeral. Here’s what funeral.com helped us
do.
We set up a model train and track to run around the perimeter of
the visitation room at the funeral home, and the train tracked
even looped around Dad’s casket as well. The soft rumbling of
that train running down those tracks created a calmness in the
room. It allowed me to imagine how that same sound had given Dad
his mental sanctuary from the rest of the world.
We also special ordered a panel that fit in the lid of the casket
that had a model train engine stitched into the
fabric.
Then, we held a reception on a real-life train before the
funeral. The small regional railroad had tracks which passed
through our town. The railroad had two old- fashioned diner cars
they had refurbished to provide slow dinner rides up and down a
scenic 20-mile stretch of track on weekends.
At the end of the run, the hearse backed up to the train and the
pallbearers loaded the casket. We had a procession to the church,
and then another procession to the cemetery.
Funeral.com also recommended a very special touch: We purchased
small, miniature toy locomotives for the funeral home to give to
each child as they came to the church for the funeral ceremony.
That was great. Dad’s love for model trains could now be
carried on by one of those children.
I’m glad funeral.com encouraged us to choose to do something
that was very meaningful to me, my mom, and friends of our
family.
"What Does
a Funeral Director Do?"
It has been
estimated that over 136 individual activities must take place in
order for one funeral to be conducted. The funeral director is
actually an organizational specialist.
Here is a
condensed list of some of the more visible activities of a
typical funeral director.
·
You will
probably feel a variety of emotions when you lose someone you
love. The ability to make it through the death of a loved one can
be challenging. You may have feelings of shock and disbelief,
anger, guilt and depression.
Understanding Funeral Costs
Your funeral director welcomes
your questions about costs, because experience suggests the more
completely you understand funeral costs the less chance there
will be for apprehension or misunderstanding.
There are a wide range of funeral
services from which to choose. Since each funeral is planned to
meet the special needs of the family, it is difficult to speak in
generalities about the "typical" funeral or "typical" costs.
There are certain expenses basic to almost every funeral, but
many are determined by the selections that are made, the services
specified and the additional items requested.
Keep in mind, all or part of the
funeral expenses may be covered by a portion of forthcoming life
insurance benefits, supplemented by any death benefits when
applicable from Social Security, the Veterans Administration,
fraternal groups and others. The deceased may have also made some
prepaid arrangements which will cover all or most of the
expenses.
After the funeral, there will
still be a number of things that require attention. Most of them,
fortunately, can be postponed for a reasonable length of time,
until you feel ready.
Thank You Notes
As soon as possible, write notes
to those who extended special help, sent flowers or made
contributions to designated charities. Your funeral director may
offer you cards for this purpose, or you may use your personal
stationery. You will probably want to thank the casket bearers
and others who helped in various ways. You may also wish to
acknowledge letters of sympathy; however, it is not necessary to
answer notes or cards.
Monuments
A monument or marker can be
installed shortly after the funeral, or you may postpone this
decision until some time in the future. It is wise to check with
the cemetery official beforehand to learn about any restrictions
in size or style
Personal Possessions.
In cases where a house or
apartment is to be vacated, there is often a substantial
accumulation of personal belongings. Although it may be
difficult, this task should be performed by close family members,
subject to the prior consent of the executor or administrator.
Making Funeral Arrangements
Attending to Details
When someone you love has just died, there are a number of responsibilities that require your immediate attention. Your first priority, naturally, will be to comfort those most affected by the death. Then when you are able to focus your attention to making arrangements, the first calls should be to the funeral home and clergy person preferred by the family.
You will meet as soon as possible with your funeral director to review personal information about the deceased in order to complete the death certificate and prepare the obituary. Prior to this consultation, you should also ascertain whether the deceased had preplanned for the funeral.
Throughout all the planning, your funeral director will be respectful of the family's wishes. The visitation and funeral can be a valuable experience as it meets the religious, social and emotional needs of the mourners. The funeral arrangements are particularly important in giving friends and family a meaningful way to express themselves.
The Paperwork
Unfortunately, there will be a lot of paperwork. Your funeral director can assist you in securing all the benefits rightfully due you, guide you to the proper resources, and assist in much of the paperwork required to file for insurance, Social Security and Veterans Administration benefits. Some of the assistance your funeral director can provide includes the following:
· Death certificates necessary to file for insurance benefits;
· Send an appropriate form of the death certificate to Social Security;
· Direct you to your nearest Social Security office to determine current benefits and to file a claim, including Survivor benefits, and Medicare benefits to help pay the final medical bills if the deceased was 65 or over;
· Obtain an American flag for any honorably discharged veteran;
· Assist you in applying for a veteran's grave marker and in making arrangements for burial in a national cemetery for eligible veterans and family members
The Obituary Announcement
With your assistance, the funeral director will prepare the obituary announcement or paid death notice for publication in the newspapers. This notifies people of the time and place for visitation and funeral services. The notices can also be sent to other localities.
The Visitation
Assisted by your funeral director, you will decide the time, place and type of visitation. Usually, the visitation will be held at the funeral home. During visitation hours at the funeral home, your funeral director assists you in the reception of those who call.
The Service
Your funeral director will help you arrange a service that will best satisfy the preferences of you and your family. Most funeral homes offer a chapel or another appropriate setting for the service. Or you may also choose to hold the service at the family church, synagogue or other suitable location.
If you are not affiliated with a church or synagogue, but wish to have a religious service, your funeral director can suggest a clergy. If a non-traditional service is desired, he or she can suggest alternatives that maintain the positive values and dignity of the funeral.
The Tribute
You will also consider what kind of tribute you may wish to make. A suitable tribute might include a eulogy or personal remark either by the clergy or a close personal friend. Biblical passages, favorite poetry or other appropriate readings may be chosen. You may also wish to include music, both for its beauty and symbolic significance.
If the deceased was a member of a fraternal group or similar organization, associated rituals may be available for the family's use before the service, or incorporated into other plans being made for the funeral.
Flowers and Flags
The family may choose to place a floral spray from the family on the casket, which should be delivered just before the visitation period begins. Your funeral director can advise you, or you may prefer to personally contact a favorite florist. The caskets of veterans may be draped with an American flag without charge from the Veterans Administration for you. After burial, this flag is presented to the next-of-kin.
Casket Bearers
Together with other family members, you will select casket bearers. Sometimes honorary casket bearers are also chosen, not to assist in carrying the casket, but to honor the memory of the deceased.
Selections to be Made
Selecting a Casket
Whether you are preplanning for yourself, or choosing for a loved one, casket selection is a very personal decision, and an expression of your feelings. A wide variety of caskets, in many price ranges, are available. You can rely upon your funeral director as an invaluable source to provide you with all the information you need to make a selection
Selecting a Burial Vault
Although not required by law, you may desire to select a burial vault; a sealed, warrantied and lined outer receptacle used in cemeteries for underground interment. Outer burial containers may be required by your cemetery or memorial park, to help preserve the beauty of the property and reduce maintenance costs by supporting the weight of the earth and heavy equipment that may pass over the grave.
Usually, the vault is set at the grave prior to interment. A brief service may be held at the grave, when the casket is interred. After the service, the cover will be placed over the base and the grave will be filled, compacted and then seeded or sodded.
Wilbert® Burial Vaults
Wilbert is the burial vault recommended by leading funeral directors across the nation, and selected by more families than any other brand. The value of a Wilbert brand burial vault can be measured by the peace of mind that a structurally sound, finely crafted burial vault offers the family.
Superior engineering and advanced technology combines with hand craftsmanship to produce every Wilbert vault. High-quality structural concrete is the basis of our vaults' strength and durability. Additional strength is added in the bonded interior liners, made of high-impact thermoformed plastics such as ABS Marbelon®, ABS Trilon® or Strentex®. Beauty and additional strength are added with interior linings of stainless steel, copper or bronze.
To learn more about burial vaults click on "Product Knowledge - Ground Burial".
Cremation Choices
If cremation is preferred, you will still be able to make the same decisions concerning the visitation and service. For more information on the types of services, urns, urn vaults and memorialization choices, please click on "Product Knowledge - Cremation".
Funeral Etiquette
What You
Should Say and Do
• Say "I'm sorry"
• Give them the opportunity to talk about the deceased
• Allow them to share their memories
• Use the deceased person's name
• Validate that grieving is normal
• Ask them how you can help
Remember,
the best support you can offer the bereaved is to listen and be
understanding. You don't need to say much. You just need to be
there for them.
DO NOT
Say
• I know just how you feel.
• Time heals all wounds.
• Aren't you happy he's in heaven?
• You're lucky your baby's in heaven with God.
Because
• No one can truly know what another feels.
• Time alone does not heal the pain.
• This fails to honor the deep suffering of the bereaved.
Although they may be comforted by their faith, the pain of
missing loved ones is the present reality.
DO NOT
Say
• be thankful he was not aware at the end.
• He (or she) had a good life.
Because
• we are discussing the death from our perspective, not from
that of the bereaved. This discounts the grieving person's pain.
DO NOT
Say
• Things will be back to normal in a month or two.
• Now you need to get on with your life.
Because
• this puts limits on a person's grief.
• Each person needs to grieve in his or her own time and way.
DO NOT
Say
• He was only a baby - you really didn't get that attached to
him.
• Your mother was pretty old – did you think she'd live
forever?
• She was only your friend.
Because
• we cannot judge the depth of the relationship one person has
for another.
• Each person is irreplaceable.
DO NOT
Say
• you can’t stay sad forever.
• He wouldn't want you to be sad.
Because
• you deny the fact that being sad and expressing strong
emotions is a very necessary part of healing.
What
Kind of Funeral Services are there?
Funerals
traditionally have been held at churches, synagogues, or at the
funeral home, but that does not mean they cannot be held at some
other location. It is possible, for example, for a funeral to be
held at a park, at a senior citizen center, a school, a home, or
almost any public place requested by those arranging for the
funeral.
In
terms of the funeral ceremony itself, again it is possible to
include a diversity of things that will help celebrate the life
of the individual. A variety of musical styles may be included in
the service. Friends and family members may participate through
speaking, reading, and sharing about the individual who has died.
A display of photographs from events in the person’s life is
now frequently included in the plans.
,
"The
real question is what you would like and or what kinds of things
did your loved one enjoy doing? Any special Hobbies and interests
usually are incorporated into the funeral to give it special
meaning to the survivors. A conversation with your funeral
professional will alert you to possibilities that exist for
making a funeral exactly what you would like it to
be.
